Renee Writes

Devil’s Eyes

I wrote this story as a writing project in college a few years before I decided to start my writing career. We had to write a story using only our 5 senses. I just managed to find it, so I wanted to share it. Hope you enjoy!

The sunlight peeked through the intertwining branches of the trees and glistened off the blanket of algae that covered the swamp. I took off my shoes and stepped into the knee deep water. My feet sank into the sticky clay that lined the floor of the swamp as I walked. Nearby, movement on the surface of the water revealed a turtle emerging from the water to rest on a moss covered log.

I moved quickly, but quietly through the swamp so I wouldn’t disturb the sleeping bats hanging in the branches just over my head. As I reached the other side of the swamp, I climbed out of the water, sat on the ground to wash off my clay covered feet, and put my shoes back on. Then I got up and approached the old abandoned quarry. My hair whipped my face as the wind blew from behind me.

The path down into the gorge was short, but it had a very steep drop of about fifteen feet. The ground was covered with tiny pebbles which rolled under my feet, nearly causing me to slip a few times. At the end of the path was a small perch near the bottom of the gorge where I could see Devil’s Eyes. They were two deep rifts in the stone wall on the opposite side of the gorge which looked like two evil eyes peering down at me. They seemed to be looking right through me.

I sat on the cold, hard ground, and I could feel the sharp pebbles press into my bare legs. The only sound was the eerie whisper of the wind though the narrow gorge. I watched above as the sun crept toward the western horizon and waited.

It wasn’t long before the eyes began to glow, and a gust of wind screamed its way through the gorge as if to warn any onlookers. Rumor had it that if you looked directly into Devil’s Eyes when they were glowing, the devil would try to steal your soul. My friend’s brother said that the rumor wasn’t true and the glowing was caused by the reflection of the sun. Yet as I sat there staring into those fiery eyes, they seemed to tug at something deep inside of me.

Entranced, I watched as the eyes flickered out almost as fast as they began to glow. The air around me steadily grew colder as the sun disappeared behind the ridge. I could hear the chirping of the crickets and the deep croaking of the bullfrog from the nearby swamp. With about a half an hour of daylight left, I quickly stood up and brushed the pebbles off my legs. I took one last look at Devil’s Eyes before I headed back up the steep slippery path. Only moments ago they were alive with a fury of blazing light, and now they were empty sockets staring blankly into a darkening sky.

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2 Comments

  1. 15 April, 2014    

    Very creepy. I find it difficult to write this kind of sense-rich prose without bogging down the pacing. Well done.

    • 18 April, 2014    

      Thanks so much! 🙂

      This one took a while for me to write. It was actually written before I had decided I wanted to be a writer. I never thought of myself being “good” at it until I took this particular class. I find it easier to add in the “senses” after writing the piece bare bones. It’s much easier to go back afterwards and add things in. Reading out loud really helped too, so that I could work out the kinks where I stumbled over the words. Helps to find the flow. 🙂

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